


The Broken Circle

by DiamondsxStags



Category: Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Heart-to-Heart, anti cullen, hinted female amell/alistair feelings, kinda angsty, this made me sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-24
Updated: 2017-04-24
Packaged: 2018-10-23 11:07:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10718175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DiamondsxStags/pseuds/DiamondsxStags
Summary: Claudia is too quiet and Leliana doesn't like it.





	The Broken Circle

On the journey back to camp, Claudia had been strangely quiet. While it was true that she wasn’t the chattiest of people at the best of times, this silence felt different, at least it did to Leliana. Alistair was content to fill the silence with Wynne, and the two seemed oblivious to the tenseness in Claudia’s shoulders, the harsh set of her mouth. Leliana didn’t like it, and she quietly decided to find out what was wrong and remedy it.

 

When watches were being decided, Leliana volunteered to take the first shift. “Claudia, would you like to join me?” Leliana turned to her...was it too early to call her a friend? Companion? Yes, companion would do, for now.

 

Claudia shrugged in return, offering no other response. Leliana furrowed her brow as Alistair and Zevran agreed to take the second shift, leaving Morrigan and Sten with the third. Wynne had been absolved of shift duties for the night so she could get some proper rest as the eldest member of the group. When everyone else retired, Leliana and Claudia sat by the fire, with Brutus at Claudia’s side and resting his head on her lap. The night was still, with only the crackling of the fire and Brutus’s snuffling being the only significant sounds.

 

“Is there something on your mind?” Leliana asked gently, deciding it would be best to go in head first. “You don’t seem like myself.”

 

“What do I seem like then?” Claudia replied, staring into the fire while gently scratching Brutus behind one of his ears.

 

“Troubled.” Leliana moved closer. “Is it about what happened at the Circle?” Leliana couldn’t imagine that witnessing what went on would’ve been easy for Claudia, seeing the abominations and blood everywhere, not to mention that trip into the fade. “Did you have many friends there?”

 

Claudia snorted, sounding almost as disdainful as Morrigan. “No, I didn’t. I had one, but he fled the Circle to Maker knows where.”

 

Leliana arched a brow and decided to keep that little tidbit locked away, to be discussed some other time. “Was it the destruction then? I can’t imagine what it must be like to see a place you called home for so long like that.”

 

“The Circle wasn’t my home.” Claudia’s tone was biting, almost harsh. “It was a prison, when I was a girl I-” Claudia cut herself off suddenly, and Leliana had been alarmed. She looked around for any sign of danger that had gotten past her but saw none. She looked back at Claudia and saw that her brow was furrowed, her gaze into the fire more intense than before. “When I was a girl...I would dream of destroying the Circle, tearing it down brick by brick and running away. So no, this isn’t about that either.”

 

At a loss, Leliana tried to think of what could have caused this sudden mood shift, but she came up with nothing. “So what is it about?”

 

There was silence and it stretched on for so long Leliana was worried that she had pushed too hard and she was getting ready to apologize when Claudia spoke again.

 

“Cullen.”

 

It took Leliana a moment but she was able to place a face to the name. “The Templar?” That had been a bit of a surprise, but then Leliana did not know what their relationship had been. The way Cullen had spoken about Claudia, it had stroke a chord with Leliana, although which chord it was and why she could not say. “Were the two of you close?”

 

“Hardly.” Claudia paused again and bit her lip. Seeing her distress, Brutus gently nudged her, looking up at her with his big brown eyes. Claudia’s face softened and she gave Brutus’s back a rub and scratched beneath his chin. She looked back at the fire. “Cullen...well the simplest way to put it would be that he had a bit of a crush on me.”

 

“I got that much.” Leliana said.

 

Claudia nodded. “Yeah. I never knew why, we barely interacted and I didn’t like him at all. I didn’t like any of the Templars at the Circle, but this didn’t seem to deter him. Whenever he spoke to me he always stammered and couldn’t get his words straight and he would always...watch me.” A shiver went through Claudia. “I mean, that’s what Templars do, they watch mages and make sure they don’t get possessed, but with Cullen it was different. I felt his eyes everywhere I went, like he was always there, and whenever I caught him staring he always tried to play it off like he was staring at something behind me. And I _couldn’t do anything about it_. Confronting him would accomplish nothing, talking to the commander would’ve more than likely resulted in some kind of punishment for me, and the first enchanter would’ve told me to ignore it. I had no choice to accept it.”

 

Leliana said nothing.

 

“It was annoying, but I got used to it. I had to. And when we saw him at the Circle…” Claudia trailed off and for a fraction of a second, Leliana saw a crack in the facade Claudia had cultivated and put over her face. “Leliana he called me a _thing_.”

 

The distress in her voice caught Leliana off guard. Cullen’s words ran through her head again, how he spoke as if Claudia wasn’t there, and how she was something awful and sinful.

 

“He called me a _thing_ that he wanted, but couldn’t have. Not a person. Not even a mage. A _thing_ .” Her fists clenched and her nails dug so deeply into Brutus he let out a slight yelp. Claudia quickly untensed and stroked him in apology, but she seemed no less distressed. “He said it was shameful, that having an interest in me was shameful.” Claudia’s mouth twitched into a twisted, mocking smile, the kind you give when your anger was well and truly reached it’s point. “I was never a person to him, I was something obsess and fawn over, but not have because that would be _shameful_.”

 

The fire had started to burn brighter and hotter and Leliana moved away from the flames. “His words were what was shameful.” Leliana said firmly. “What he feels, what he _felt_ , is not your fault Claudia.”

 

The silence that followed was heavy, like a real tangible thing that was resting on Leliana’s back. The fire dimmed and the tongues of flames grew smaller and it was back to it’s regular size. Claudia turned to Leliana and there, at the corners of her grey-blue eyes, tears were gathering. “I was never anything but an object to him.” Her voice was quiet, barely louder than the fire’s crackling. “And that’s all I ever will be to men like him. To Templars.” Claudia turned her head and Leliana followed her gaze, landing on Alistair’s tent. “Templars are taught to see mages as dangerous and evil and inhuman. It makes it easier to mistreat us. They will never…” Her voice wavered and the tears continued to gather, only falling when Claudia tried to blink them away. “They will never see me, see _us_ , as anything else. Just things.”

  
Leliana wished she knew what to say. Instead she sat by the fire, silent, as Claudia nursed a heart that had already started to form deep bruises, like those on an apple, while watching Alistair’s tent.

**Author's Note:**

> me: stop writing shit that makes u sad  
> me: read


End file.
